As Round 5 begins today, a time to focus on the positives: The sun has reappeared and meant 4 morning walks, 5 if today is included, where I nipped out for a quickie before leaving today. I am nearly halfway through… We managed a mini adventure to Norfolk, where KevKev and I ran down from…

So, a celebrity died this morning of bowel cancer, around a year from his diagnosis, and suddenly my mortality feels very real today. I wonder at the wisdom of not thinking of the darkest point in this journey. It is there and the darkness does not obscure it. Maybe the journey now is coming to…

There is very little to recommend The Pit, other than if you’ve ever wanted to feel so far removed from the rest of the world and a feeling that your sense of place will be understandable, then this is it. The physical discomfort, manifesting today in a lack of tears for yawning or crying and constant…

I have my wig now and I like it. I also have no hair at all underneath it, which is unnerving when I catch myself in the mirror in the morning. My scalp is softer and smaller than expected. I’m glad I have something to hide under that is so much more me than I…

I never expected HOPE to take the form of a protein marker, but here we are… DrP has just called and the news is good. At the start of my journey, my disease protein markers were 906; these have now dropped to 431. Less is good. It is hoped that after Round 6, (yes, that…

There is a loneliness to this existence in illness. Waking up, assessing just how sick I feel: What kind of sick? Is this something that’ll erase my day? What does my perspective feel like? Is it positive? Is it affectable? Solitary questions that only I can answer, but more often than not in these four…

@127 pills every two weeks. @30 hospital visits & stays since diagnosis. @21 tummy injections ROUND 3 bag 2 delivery over 90minutes as opposed to 30. (…much less traumatic) 3 chemo bags per treatment including home delivery pump. Bag 1: fizzy fingers, lock jaw and throat pincer. Bag 2: eye blur, sick, mouth numb and…

Good news last night, despite the long nervous wait, is that my body is coping. There are even signs that my liver is doing better than expected and in terms of levels and counts, things are good. KevKev and I were like nervous animals prior to the call from DrP yesterday. Snipping at the frayed…

So Day 7 seems to hold great promise. My taste buds returned, water no longer tasted like soap and this week, life held promise in the form of a small, wriggly black pup called Figgy. My university friend visited, we talked of adventures far off and long ago; banana leaf curries, early morning post night…

Day 6 and the recovery is slow. I think the hardest thing about it is this relentless weight, whilst sitting in what can only be described as a fog of sadness, waiting for a fleeting feeling of wellness. Something to reach out and grab on to, to show my psyche that actually I am in…