There is a loneliness to this existence in illness. Waking up, assessing just how sick I feel: What kind of sick? Is this something that’ll erase my day? What does my perspective feel like? Is it positive? Is it affectable? Solitary questions that only I can answer, but more often than not in these four…

@127 pills every two weeks. @30 hospital visits & stays since diagnosis. @21 tummy injections ROUND 3 bag 2 delivery over 90minutes as opposed to 30. (…much less traumatic) 3 chemo bags per treatment including home delivery pump. Bag 1: fizzy fingers, lock jaw and throat pincer. Bag 2: eye blur, sick, mouth numb and…

Good news last night, despite the long nervous wait, is that my body is coping. There are even signs that my liver is doing better than expected and in terms of levels and counts, things are good. KevKev and I were like nervous animals prior to the call from DrP yesterday. Snipping at the frayed…

So Day 7 seems to hold great promise. My taste buds returned, water no longer tasted like soap and this week, life held promise in the form of a small, wriggly black pup called Figgy. My university friend visited, we talked of adventures far off and long ago; banana leaf curries, early morning post night…

Day 6 and the recovery is slow. I think the hardest thing about it is this relentless weight, whilst sitting in what can only be described as a fog of sadness, waiting for a fleeting feeling of wellness. Something to reach out and grab on to, to show my psyche that actually I am in…

So apparently 3am, in some cultures, is the break between day and night, the shift from past to future. Two times. Clock time that gives the feeling of constantly moving forward, where the future is always beckoning and story time where the past and memory finds its root and gives meaning to that fragile peace,…

Someone sent a beautiful thing, but didn’t tell me who it was… please let me know who you are! Sunnier times indeed… Thank you! Round 2 has begun, Chemo#3 continues at home, I remain connected to a Pump for two more days, a small bottle with a balloon that gradually deflates over time. It’ll be…

Do I really feel sick? Is this a new kind of pain? Can I take anymore? What snacks do I need? Will I ever teach again? Why am I not enjoying TV as much as I used to? I must get a window seat tomorrow so I can see the birds. Why don’t I just…

To begin, a small ode to my hair, in honour of its now doubtless disappearance come Round 2 and 3… and also in honour of my incredible husband who had to leave the shampoo aisle whilst shopping yesterday because he too loves my hair. So, farewell beautiful hair, I have loved you so. I have…

I woke up yesterday morning absolutely determined that I would be leaving, I packed up my room, spoke confidently of my confidence that yesterday was a good day to go home, to the Dr and remade a bed that would not be slept in just to try out hospital corners again… The surety of that…