FlickyTailSunrise

Round 11 has not been the step forward I was hoping for. Being so close to the twelfth I was hoping it would pass with the same relative comfort of ten.

There is of course no logic or reason why this should be so, other than it is near an ending of sorts, where experience and wisdom should weigh heavy… at the very least, it should not feel novel… but it did.

My head these last two days tumbled into the pit, splashing around in the darkness latching onto the edges of a deep sadness. My body felt and looked like an alien being and worst of all my fingers and feet lost all feeling, becoming painfully numb entities sitting at my extremities.

That this pain and numbness is now permanent is perhaps the root of the sadness this Round. Emphasising that nothing will return to the normal of the before and forcing me to come to terms with this new reality.

As I gradually emerge from the weight of this,  I also sharply feel the loneliness of this existence. It has been six long months and I feel like I have lived every minute.

All I can hope for is that the sacrificed fingers and feet get their return within my body and the poison is a hundred times more destructive there.

I am emerging… but please continue to send word.

I miss you all.