FlickyTailSunrise

With just a month left of this chemo free idyl, I want to record a few thoughts.

I made the choice to take the three months break mostly because the thought of going straight back to Treatment after only a few weeks off felt too much, I was not psychologically ready.

There were two big moments ahead that I wanted to experience as normally as possible. One, a wedding and the other our river cruise, setting off on the 11th of August. I also wanted to see people without the illness taking the lead and forming the majority of the conversation.

As much as I wanted that to be so, it hasn’t really happened as hoped. But then again what in life does?

I have found that this is a useful time to reflect and try and reset some of those endless triggers… although the constant waves of anxiety and the deluded hope that this would just melt away and I will never have to return to treatment have been the biggest features.

The good stuff has been:

My Husband, his endless patience and kindness that provides me with the safety I need to keep functioning. 

Stephen John Hairdressers, who saw my new hair and refused to cut it because it was just too funky and who gave me the space to genuinely chuckle at the awfulness of it all.

Acupuncture, which I have weekly to deal with the still painful neuropathy in my hands and feet.

North Norfolk, a beautiful wedding and an escape to our happy place in the Cley-next-the-sea windmill, Holkham beach and the vast Norfolk skies.

Friends, who have given me the safe space to talk and the time in their lives to make memories that will see me through the days ahead.

I can only hope now that the tumor and its metastisis have stayed still and that it hasn’t run rampant. Either way, the choice was to live this life regardless and that is the choice I made.

River cruise: CANCELLED due to water levels in the Rhine.

Scan: 26th August.

Consultation with DrP 3rd September.

Treatment restarts soon after that…

With love and hope… 🧡